This morning, my mom was gushing to me about how the Queen Trailer Trash Slut of my high school is now an E.R. nurse.
Normally, I'm pretty conservative in my use of terms like trailer trash and slut, so you know this girl was a veritable haven for thousands of endangered species of STD's if I use both slurs in one sentence. Besides, she was dumb as rocks and mean-spirited, and got her kicks from beating up hapless nerds. So I don't feel the least bit remorseful for calling spades spades.
I can seriously picture her in the face of a life-or-death situation, deciding that her patient's glasses are too thick, and being like "SCREW THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH!" Or, possibly, not knowing the difference between a Hippocratic Oath and a hypocritical oaf.
"Good for her," I said. "But I sure wouldn't trust my life in her hands."
"BUT SHE'S GOT TO BE REALLY SMART IF SHE'S A NURSE!" my mom said.
"Anybody can be a nurse," I said. "Some of the smartest people I know are nurses, yet some of the dumbest people I know are also going to nursing school, or majored in med tech."
"BUT NURSES ARE COLLEGE GRADUATES!"
"But college graduate does NOT EQUAL SMART.
"You're just jealous! I think it's so inspiring how she got her act together!"
So, okay. This girl, who couldn't have an I.Q. higher than 75, is a STORY OF INSPIRATION because she decided to enter a medical profession. But I'm actually smart and, with the exception of rants like these, kind-spirited and I'm too stupid to be a chiropractor???
It's a fucking slap in the face. My mother has more support for a dipshit that bullied me and my sister throughout elementary and middle school than she has for her own daughter.
Maybe the only medical profession worthy of her respect is nursing, because nurses are essentially assistants to (usually male) doctors. Nothing's intimidating or threatening about nurses, because I guess nothing really changes about the status quo when you're following orders.
Or maybe I first need to smoke crack and get an STD before I can be respected for finding myself? Because it's typically considered selfish for women to spend long periods of time working on, well, themselves. Unless, that is, self-discovery saves them from becoming wanton hussies of the night, or whatever.
I can't even rationally express my frustration with the conversation, because it's not rational to not respect your own daughter's goals, especially when she respects my sister's job and plans, and not mine. I've always gotten the impression in my family that my sister was the only one who was allowed to have dreams, and I'm beginning to think my suspicions were right. Anything I've ever wanted to do has been dismissed as my inherent futility or frivolity. I'm beginning to think fear and self-loathing must be passed on through mother's milk. Why can't mothers let their daughters live fearless, fruitful (NOT in the reproductive sense) lives?
I don't know. I guess I should be happy for now, because on another note, my chiropractor says I CAN DANCE AGAIN!!!
Until then, I leave you with my Master Plan for Life:
1. Smoke crack.
3. Become a chiropractor. (PROFIT!!!!)