Sarab (1000milesaway) wrote,
Sarab
1000milesaway

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Blah.

My day has been full of pleasant surprises.

For one, I just found out that, yes sir, I am still capable of waking up before noon on a day off. It fills me with childlike hope to see a possible end in sight to my recent loafdom. Huzzah.

Also, I passed up THREE hot corsets at Charlotte Russe simply by reminding myself of my long-term goal to go to chiropractic school. Yes, sir, there just may be hope that I'll stop being such an ass with my money and learn the fine art of penny-pinching. Really, rice and beans are not so bad.

I also joined a fitness club today. It was quite painless. I didn't have to sell my soul. Hell, I didn't even have to bend over and take it up the butt. It was $99 down, and will cost $14.95 a month. Not bad, considering the cost of things like exercise DVD's and the stupid things I'd probably otherwise be doing with that money. I don't see belonging to a gym as a luxury--for me, as a dancer trying to rebound from a serious injury, it's a necessity. When I was in school and using the weight room every day, I never suffered from back pain (or really any kind of discomfort) and I could execute all of my movements with the confidence that I was doing them safely. Not to mention, the back problems and the mono made me go absolutely stir-crazy for a few months. I need physical activity to keep me sane. So yeah. I'll probably become a total gym rat.

Yeah. My days have been pretty slow since my last entry. Herman, the guy I went out with a few times last week, dropped off the face of the earth on me. I called him once last week, nobody was there, and I gave up on him from there. There may have been extenuating circumstances--but I'm fucking sick of making excuses for people who simply aren't worth their weight in anything. Even if you're in the hospital or if your parakeet died, there's still enough time in a day to pick up a fucking phone and say hello. If a guy's going to flake out, he's not good enough for me. Plain and simple. But yeah. Life goes on with or without men. I'll live if I go to movies by myself, or eat three-course meals in beautiful restaurants by myself, or have wild monkey sex with myself. Hell, it's really not the end of the world. In the end, when I stop holding myself up to the unrealistic expectation that I might actually make somebody fall in love with me, I'm much happier doing my thing on my own time than I am compromising myself or putting up with bullshit just to stay afloat in the dating pool. Every time I get involved with somebody, I lose a piece of myself. I can't afford to keep being so stressed. Especially not when I see that I'm literally making myself sick, and that I already have a few little lines around my eyes.

As for Maggie, I can't get used to how empty the house feels without her. I still feel a huge hole in my heart when I come home and see the empty space where she used to sleep. She's not suffering anymore, and that's all I could ever want for a best friend. It'll take time to fully come to terms with her passing, but for now, I can't help but to feel such a lack of unconditional love. Dogs never hold grudges, or laugh at your big hair, or tell you that you're not good enough. That's why I love them. If you're good to them, they'll repay you with a richness and purity that not even the best human being can match. If people could only live so gently, the world would be such a better place.

It seriously warmed my heart to see so many loving comments in my last entry, though, and I thank you all for your sincerity and compassion. I haven't had the time to respond, but I'm so comforted to see that so many of you are thinking of me during this hard time.

Anyway, yeah. Guess I've got to keep on truckin', or whatever they say. Come spring, I'm hoping things will start looking up. If I can get through this dastardly cold weather with my sanity intact, I guess I'm golden from there. We'll see.

~Lisa
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